Future chapters will be there

***The Duke’s pov

Even in those few words, I could read her personality.

It was hard and solid, like it would never break.

"I came a little while ago."

"Why didn't you call for me, then I wouldn't have kept you waiting..."

"The Grand Duchess has been preoccupied."

I pointed to the piano with my chin.

For a moment, I wondered.

Did she realize that at times like this, she created an air that was almost unapproachable?

For a god she'd believed in and served as a matter of course since birth, she'd never really thought of herself as religious until now.

And yet, as she sat before me, a sense of awe filled me that I didn't know existed.

"I couldn't interrupt your sacred moment."

"I wouldn’t mind if you did."

The bluntness of her words, which she must have uttered without any intent or meaning, pleased me.

The unpleasant feeling I felt a moment ago melted away in an instant. 

I stepped closer to her and, out of habit, grasped her winter-cold hand.

Her voice was still hard as she called to me, even though it was a familiar routine repeated every day.

"Your Highness."

"Why are you calling?"

"..."

She didn't say anything else in response.

The flush on her pale cheeks couldn't have been caused by the chill. I wanted to believe it wasn’t.

Still, I tucked my hands under her knees and scooped her up.

There was a time when she would have asked me to put her down, but now she just threw her arms around my neck in a familiar way. As if this moment was natural.

Our gazes locked.

Her eyes, white and blue, reflected my reflection like a mirror.

There was a man there, happy as a fool to see his lover.

I smiled faintly and walked away.

My swaying body unnerved her, and she only hugged my neck tighter.

It didn't matter that my aunt was unhappy, or that one of her maids had stolen from us, it mattered that she was here.

I spent the night with her, woke up before her, and watched her as she slept as if she were dead.

Her transparent silver hair lay disheveled on the bed.

At times like this, she seemed more like she could melt away and disappear.

If it weren't for her chest rising and falling with her faint breathing, I would have thought she was an elaborate statue.

I stroked her arm, which was so warm and soft it felt strange.

"...Grand Duchess."

That short word, the one that tied me and her together.

In her sleep, she didn’t answer, only exhaled a thin breath.

When I slipped out of the bedroom, dressed in a robe, the maid, who had arrived early, was placing flowers in a vase in the parlor.

Sensing my presence, the maid turned her head. She bowed lightly to me.

"Did you get the flowers?"

"Yes. Lily of the valley today."

"Yes, because it looks like the Grand Duchess."

Smiling crisply, the maid held out the vase.

A bouquet of flowers was skillfully arranged.

Heads bowed, daring not to face the sun, the pretty white blossoms.

They looked as if they would make a tinkling sound if they bumped into each other.

Their nonchalance and aloofness reminded me of the nobility and sadness I could see in her.

Yes, it was like her.

Right down to the poison in that transparent face.

I may have already been poisoned beyond detoxification.

"...the Grand Duchess."

“Yes?"

"Does she like it?"

It was a pointless question. Because I already knew the answer.

The maid, who was holding the vase, gave an awkward laugh.

“She neither likes it nor dislikes it. In fact, I think it would be more accurate to say that she’s not particularly interested in it.”

I heard the expected response.

In a way, it's probably a good thing.

She was the same person no matter how you looked at her.

The maid added deftly, as if by way of excuse.

"We are very comfortable here, for there is a lady who is very fussy when a carpet is changed, but Her Highness is indifferent to whatever we do."

It was a line that must have recited dozens, perhaps hundreds, of times whenever my aunt said something.

It was one of her greatest strengths as a princess and one of her greatest weaknesses as a queen. The voice that followed was cautious.

"To the "the one who sees," the Queen's message................ When you first came, I was very worried. I thought you would never be satisfied no matter what I gave you, since you only kept the precious things of the kingdom close to you."

In the eyes of the maid who guarded her closest, she was nothing more than an exalted person, contrary to what she had constantly been told. It was a misconception she didn't want to correct.

As I walked away, I suddenly remembered something and asked.

"Did anything else happen?"

"Yes?"

"My aunt said there was a burglar."

"Oh............."

The maid’s voice trailed off, clearly worried about who might be listening.

"I only found out about the incident a short time ago, Your Highness, and I'm sure it’ll be back on track soon enough."

"Is that it?"

How dare you steal something that belongs to the duchy, and you can't just put it back.

The maid knew what I meant.

"Give me your orders, and I will follow them."

"The Grand Duchess is of a mild disposition and does not wish to be troubled, but it is not as if the thief has not troubled my mind."

It was up to her what to do with what I said.

The more I thought about it, the more I felt an inexplicable bitterness and wistfulness.

"Let the head maid take care of it. At the very least, it shouldn't upset my aunt, and I hope it won't happen again."

The maid bowed her head picturesquely.

"Your Highness, I will take your orders to heart."

"Very well."

Kick them out, punish them, whatever, they would take care of it.

At least I wouldn’t be setting foot in the queen's palace anymore, and that's that.

"I’ll leave for the palace tonight."

"Yes, then I will prepare dinner for Her Highness tonight.”

"Please take care of the Grand Duchess. Her knees are weak.”

The maid lowered her eyes cautiously. She seemed to smile wistfully.

"It would be nice if Her Highness could recognize a little bit of your attentiveness."

"Don’t worry about that."

I said it, but inwardly I expected more.

It wasn't something I was particularly proud of.

Still, I hoped that one day she would recognize me and speak to me.

A change of bedding, an ornament brought in because I thought they were what she liked, a new piece of furniture carved with a pattern that could only be made in the Duchy, or even a different flower in a different vase every day.

Some days, some times, I hoped she looked back and thought a little.

But for now, I wanted more than that, I just wanted her to be happy.

Her time in the kingdom must have been difficult, and I hope she was at peace here.

And that one day, it would be me who would live forever in those so-called blue gazes.

And today, my schedule was cut short.

I went to the queen's palace in the usual order, but it was already well into the night.

As if she had been sitting quietly in the temple until the wee hours of the morning, the clinking of dishes could be heard in the chamber.

"It feels very quiet today."

The maid chattered in a gentle voice.

Reaching for the door, I hesitated.

To open or not to open.

"Your Highness, aren't you lonely? His Highness is here.”

"I'm comfortable being alone."

The cold reply was without even a moment's hesitation.

My outstretched hand slipped through the air in vain.

My mind, which had briefly pondered the question, tilted toward.

I wanted her to be happy and at peace, but I was still an unwelcome guest.

I realized that I was someone who made her uncomfortable.

Maybe it was because she didn't feel the need to argue, because she had always been a patient person.

The door to her heart was firmly closed and showed no sign of opening.

Until when.

My unspoken protest must have started that day.

In short, I was getting tired of her indifference and coldness, and she was still not very interested in me as such.

There was no standard for one's stay and departure from the world, even though I knew that one day we too would be separated.

The selfish part of me didn't want to admit it.

***

To donate for extra chapters for my series or to tip me visit my personal kofi page 

https://ko-fi.com/doradora 

Join my discord to get notifications for updates https://discord.gg/bxABmT2uK

(If the link is expired please message me for a new link)

Sponsored by Curufin. Thank you 💖 (10/10)

***

****The Duke’s POV

"Stop."

I had to cut off my aunt's increasingly aggravated rant.

In my head, I knew. Her uncharacteristically heartless nature.

But when it was directed at me, it wasn't as pleasant as I thought it would be.

There's a big difference between being aware of her callousness and confronting it head-on.

I didn’t care if the furniture in the Princess’s palace changes. I remembered her unspoken attitude.

I hadn't been sending things to the palace in hopes that she would recognize me, but I couldn't help but feel an unexpected sense of sadness.

"I'm only saying this because it's too much, but shouldn't you at least do the basics?"

Once the words came out of my aunt's mouth, they didn't stop there.

"So what didn't she do?"

Already uncomfortable, I had to frown.

"Isn’t she the princess of the kingdom who could have just sat still in the first place?"

"Were the princesses who didn't have to lift a finger illegitimate?"

"And that sedentary princess behaves like that; she knows what she’s supposed to do, and I can't live with my head hurting!"

"You're talking too much today."

I told her to be quiet, but her ranting only escalated.

"I'm telling you this because I'm frustrated, and I feel like I'm going to burst, so why on earth would you choose to do that!"

The aunt who was shouting like that was actually a person from the duchy who couldn't speak in front of her.

"I heard that His Majesty the King even offered Your Highness his sister. A sister of His Majesty and an illegitimate princess. Isn't the difference too great?"

"It's because I love her. Isn’t it obvious?”

"Ha, indeed......."

My aunt chuckled in disbelief.

"You can't see the good. Stop looking at it through tinted glasses."

"If I want to see the good, I have to see it."

"Frugal, unpretentious, and appreciative of the little things. Isn't that better than being extravagant?"

"It's the first time I've ever thought I'd rather be extravagant."

My aunt's face contorted woefully.

"I'd rather the princess go out in debauchery and raid the palace treasury, for that's what the kingdom deserves!"

The king would certainly fill the duchy's coffers... I thought.

With both of the king's children here, both officially and unofficially, I figured it wouldn't be impossible.

My aunt slammed both hands down on the table with a loud thud.

"Anyway, do something about that thief. Don't let her have the audacity to set foot in the palace."

"I'll take care of that."

"I'll be counting on you."

With that, she turned away.

I watched her back as she stomped her feet in protest, then opened my mouth.

"Aunt."

"What?"

My aunt stood up. Her eyes looked back at me and I asked.

"Don’t you like it?"

"Like, what do you mean?"

"I'm just saying that the treasury is still in aunt’s hands."

"..."

The corner of my aunt's half-curled mouth twitched.

The key to the treasury, which were supposed to go to the Princess, were still in her hands. The Princess had no interest in such things.

Perhaps she hadn't even realized she was supposed to be in charge.

"Whether she's your favorite or not, that's secondary. She’s your choice, and I expect you to set the example accordingly."

At this de facto warning, my aunt took a step back.

After a moment, she snorted out of habit.

"Since ......that's easier said than done, I dare ask you, Your Grace, how would you be satisfied with my treatment of the Princess?"

"Treat her as you would your mother."

"That would be ridiculous."

"Why is it ridiculous?"

"Your Highness, yes, but what is it?"

My aunt's question was direct.

"The last Duchess was a descendant of the Western Emperor, and that alone was enough to make many people treat her with respect, but she also kept a careful eye on the palace, so naturally, I'd respect her. But what does this Princess do?"

Frustration bubbled up.

All she was doing was practically locking herself away in the temple.

There were those who loved her, and those who hated her, and my aunt was clearly the latter.

"A 'seeer'? I would have gladly worshipped her from afar, just as I do the 'hearer' and the 'reciter'. But to us, she’s the illegitimate daughter of the King, who was the Princess of our country before she was a 'seeer' and who was sold cheaply by the kingdom before that."

Snickers ensued.

“Even if there are differences, they are all to the same extent.”

"Aunt!"

"She's got to find her own place, and I don't have the courtesy to show it to an obscure person like that, at least not to me."

My aunt meant the Princess had to prove herself by her actions.

No matter what I said, no matter what I ordered her to do, she wouldn't listen.

"Is it okay for her to do this, Your Highness, and not anyone else?"

As if there was nothing left to say, she turned and walked away.

She seemed more disgruntled than I thought, and I had to rub my aching head.

***

She (the Princess) sat at the piano again today.

She was absorbed in her instrument, unaware of anyone else's presence.

Her white silver hair was disheveled as she moved her hands.

Her eyes, which resembled glass more than a piano woven with crystals, were dull.

I wondered what she was thinking, what did she see in those dazed eyes, what did she say to the world, what did she say to God?

Whatever it was, the most beautiful sound in the world still filled the temple today.

At times like this, she seemed so ancient and divine that I didn't even dare to approach her.

It was as if a fence surrounded her, a fence that could not be crossed, no matter what.

The only sound she could make was a steady stream, solidifying the walls she had created.

Even a casual observer would recognize a scratch on the keys.

So I was sometimes tempted to smash the thing I'd put there.

I thought maybe she would notice something and react.

But on the other hand, I also felt like she would just look at me with a blank face and say, "I need a new one," and dismiss it as nothing.

I was more afraid of her not reacting at all than I was of her reacting at all.

If she reacted like that, nothing would be able to break through the solid walls she had forged.

I stared at my frozen reflection and thought back to my aunt's words.

"It's a sable shawl, isn't it?”

The implications of the situation were simple: a gift given to her one day had fallen into the wrong hands, and I hadn't said a word, hadn't even noticed..........

The meaning of the situation was simple: the object must have been worthless to her.

But this feeling of being dismissed as worthless, along with the feelings it contained, was decidedly unpleasant.

Despite the subtle discomfort, the beautiful sound continued.

It was a long time before she came out of it.

It wasn't until only the white moonlight penetrated the temple that reason finally dawned on the near-white blue eyes.

For a long moment, she stared down at the crystal piano that mirrored her own eyes.

I wondered if she was happy or sad.

Those glassy eyes, filled with unreadable, unknown emotions.

The corners of her lips curled up gently.

She smiled, surely, the brightest smile she could muster.

Why was it that even that small smile made my heart ache?

Careful fingertips closed the lid of the piano. It was the delicate touch of something so precious. The sound of crystals clinking together was soothing.

As she rose from her chair, she turned and found me sitting off to one side.

Her gaze flickered with a hint of embarrassment. Then her red lips parted.

"When did you............... come?"

***

To donate for extra chapters for my series or to tip me visit my personal kofi page 

https://ko-fi.com/doradora 

Join my discord to get notifications for updates https://discord.gg/bxABmT2uK

(If the link is expired please message me for a new link)

Sponsored by Curufin. Thank you 💖 (9/10)

***

****The Duke’s POV

Still, she kept her eyes on the same place and took slow steps.

A sickly smell of blood drifted on the wind.

No human with a shred of compassion would let such a sight pass them by.

It was natural to want to see her safely to her destination, at least.

"You're just going to walk away like that?"

"Never mind me."

"How can you not care?"

"......ha."

She sighed heavily and looked back at me.

Her empty white eyes held me, but did not look at me.

"Did you not hear what His Majesty said just now?"

Her voice was calm, but her eyes looked as if they might burst into tears at any moment.

They resembled a winter sky I'd seen once, just before the snow began to fall.

It was hard not to feel sorry for her plight.

"I never asked for help, so it's only right that I get nothing."

"You deserve to have help from someone else."

"I am a follower of His Majesty's teachings. His Majesty has never taught me otherwise."

Hard, she chewed her lip.

It was the only place on her all-white face where I could see color.

"I'll take it with a grateful heart, and now if you'll excuse me."

Coldly refusing, she turned away.

Her silver hair, the hem of her white robe, tumbled untidily among the blades of grass.

There she was, a scarred person who didn't want to be seen in her shabby, weak state.

She walked quickly, as if she feared being caught again.

As she disappeared like the wind, she left an unbreakable stubbornness behind her.

Soon, there was nothing but red blood on the grass.

I stared, mesmerized, at the spot where she had disappeared.

An indescribable feeling filled my chest.

An emotion I didn't know what to say, or how to feel.

"I'm sorry."

In the midst of my confusion, the king appeared. He tapped me on the shoulder, once, lightly.

"She didn't deserve you."

"No, it's okay."

"Okay・・・・・・"

With a heavy sigh, the king stared at the bloodstains on the grass.

It was sparse, but the red blood on the green was very noticeable.

Slowly, the king sat down on the ground and touched the dried blood.

Soon his face contorted into a grimace.

"............What a strange child."

"What?"

"The west princess."

Strange. Perhaps that was the name of the emotion that filled my heart right now.

For better or worse, that was my first impression.

With a wry smile, the King continued.

"It's not easy to stand on your feet all day, is it? The queen does it on purpose, and the Princess doesn't say a word of complaint."

This was probably the reason why she was always seated.

The abuse left her legs weak and she could not walk for long.

It was a pain she never told anyone about, but I couldn't help but notice.

So even though she told me she was used to being out in the rain, I found it unsettling to see her standing in the rain.

I was afraid that at any moment she would collapse in the cold droplets, that she would stay down in the relentless spring rain and never get up.

"If it had been her mother, it would have been in my lap by now, begging me to punish the queen............... desperately. I would have succumbed to her voice, though in the old days that whining could sometimes be a nuisance............."

The king rose from his position.

"In retrospect, it was far more comfortable than someone who said nothing. As you can see, that child can read my mind and tell me what to do....

・・・・that's why she protests every time."

"I think it's something Your Majesty should understand."

The king glanced back at me sternly. His eyebrows rose crookedly in displeasure.

"The Princess is still young. She’s at the height of her sensitivity, in an uncomfortable and difficult situation, in a place with nothing familiar to her. You are the only one she can trust right now, and I think it is only right that you show her some grace."

"That is a day or two. How much longer must I endure?"

His voice was weary. He sounded utterly exhausted.

"Please, I'm trying to teach her to talk, but she won't listen, and I don't know how to break the habit."

The king had only been with her for a year, but he spoke as if he had spent decades with her.

"She bears no resemblance to her mother, except for the way she holds people captive."

The words brought to mind a pair of empty eyes that looked as if they might cry at any moment.

"It makes me feel weak.......... I feel like everything is my fault, even though I didn't do anything wrong. I shouldn't have fallen for that look in her eyes."

The king let out a vague lament.

The unexpected sight of the wound made him cautious.

"Would you excuse me if I ask what history you have with her?"

"History? I wouldn't say there is one."

The blue-white eyes turned back to the tangle of blood on the floor, and soon a heavy sigh escaped.

"Duke."

"Yes."

"You must not set your eyes on a Demimonden. She will dazzle you with her sweet words and her eyes and betray you in the end."

"What do you mean by betrayal?"

"As the Queen had said."

The king gritted his teeth, grimly.

"The Princess’s mother embraced the gardener."

Justice for his daughter’s birth mother was a little different from his story.

"I gave her everything, but in the end she went crazy with the cannabis. I dared the hand that handed me the rose, the gardener."

People said that the wounds of a spouse's betrayal last a lifetime, and the sense of betrayal was palpable from the King.

"I don't know ....what to say."

"Don't. I'm not looking for any comfort from you."

Still, I wondered if I was being too cruel to her.

"Still, what it's like to be high on cannabis, to be naked in the garden, to be seen fucking another man... you can't really know unless you're there."

The king's eyes turned to split as he spoke, but when I thought about it, it didn't make any sense.

A woman who had just given birth to a child was having an affair.

An unworthy louse, in the garden.

Something was definitely up.

"So much for the old story."

The king deftly marshaled his emotions.

Then he said what he hadn't finished earlier.

"How is the prince? I am embarrassed to ask."

"He is well."

"Good."

There were none.

The king, who knew the meaning of not answering, pressed his temples together.

The abandoned Prince probably wasn't asking for anything anyway.

For it was a miracle to be alive.

"The queen is going to go on a rampage again, and it's not like I don't understand it......."

The king's brow furrowed as he looked down at his hands.

"Call a physician, and while you're here, I want you to take care of the Princess. With you by her side, she won't be able to complain."

That was nice to hear.

***

She didn't pay much attention to me then.

Probably because she was withering away day by day in her new surroundings.

It was a bit sad that a memory that meant so much to me was imprinted in her memory as a time that meant nothing to her.

She was an indifferent person who faced difficulties.

Whenever she went hunting, she always sent the best of her finds to the queen's palace.

She never said thank you when the leather carpeting on the mantelpiece was changed or when a new pair of gloves was placed on the table.

She took it all for granted and simply accepted it.

Her nonchalance was enough to make my aunt, who had been in charge of the duchy's affairs since before she became the Duchess, grumble.

"I don't know if any of this makes sense."

"What's wrong?"

"Because one of the maids has stolen something from the mansion, and the Princess, I mean, the Duchess, doesn't even know about it?"

I had to fake a smile at the harshness in her voice.

"I'm not going to let her walk around saying that it's a gift from the Duchess. Everyone knows it, and since Your Highness doesn't say anything, we have no choice but to watch!"

"Think of it this way. Maybe the Duchess really did give her a gift."

"Ha."

My aunt was sarcastic.

"It's Your Highness's sable shawl, and where in the world are there two of them, and who gives something like that away?"

A distant memory flashed through my mind.

I had gone to pick her up as she sat in the shrine, as always.

Her neck seemed especially cold that day. I wrapped a shawl around her, and she clung to it for a long time.

- I don't think I can use it.

At last she smiled faintly and said.

The whole world seemed to grow white and bright.

She was such an unapproachable person.

All the more reason to smile once in a while.

I had to force myself to turn my face.

I realized in hindsight that the object my aunt was referring to was the one from that day.

"She's not the least bit interested in what's going on in the mansion! Are we sure we've done a good job of welcoming the Princess?"

***

To donate for extra chapters for my series or to tip me visit my personal kofi page 

https://ko-fi.com/doradora 

Join my discord to get notifications for updates https://discord.gg/bxABmT2uK

(If the link is expired please message me for a new link)

Advanced chapters https://www.patreon.com/DoraTLs

Sponsored by Curufin. Thank you 💖 (8/10)

***

********The Duke’s point of view when he first met the FL. 

"You're talking nonsense."

The frowning king spoke with outright displeasure.

Then he looked back at me, who was pretending not to hear and not to see.

"Duke."

"Yes?"

"Doesn't she look like me?"

The king turned his arrow toward me.

The queen's eyebrows twitched.

I thought of the girl a moment ago. Of course, whether she looked like the king or not, I would have to say yes.

Especially those almost white-blue eyes. They shone down like the emblem of the kingdom.

"I think so."

The king wasn't exactly looking for an answer.

"It seems the queen still hasn't gotten over her strange suspicions."

"Call it a reasonable distrust, not a strange suspicion. There is no way a child of Your Majesty could be born unharmed."

The queen's provocation was blatant, as if she thought there was nothing to hide in front of me anyway.

A crooked smile spread across the queen's paroxysmally excited face.

"Your Majesty is truly, truly pathetic if you had such a vain dream. There's no way the gods would let that happen."

"At least that one."

No self-respecting king would allow himself to be talked down to.

"Isn't it more the queen's fault than mine?"

Each was blaming the other for a problem that had no solution.

It was a marriage of convenience, but it was the epitome of a marriage gone wrong.

Even in the royal family, relationships this dysfunctional were not common.

Of course, the relationship between the king and queen could not be normal.

"You're delusional. Where do you think I'm at fault?"

"Delusion? No. My innocence has been proven by the Princess. The problem is more with the queen's blood."

"What? That's a big mistake!"

The queen's retort was harsh.

"Look around the Northwest Kingdom, you have no children!”

"Can't you shut up?"

"Aren't you deaf to your cousin's abandonment in the countryside right now? How can you blame me for something like this when there's so much evidence around, and it's even more plausible that the Western Princess isn't your seed!"

The king immediately cut her off at the pass.

"Spare me your disgraceful behavior in front of the Princess, but aren't you a gracious man who has come to bring news for the queen?"

"For my sake, did you say?"

The queen tilted her head, and her hands shaking.

So violently, you'd think she'd break a teacup somewhere.

"I don't need it, who the...............!"

"You're being really harsh. So now you're not even going to listen?"

"What difference would it make if I listened? Don't pretend you care, Your Majesty. I'm truly disgusted, and it makes me want to vomit!"

The queen let out a shriek.

She left out the subject, not knowing what she was talking about or who might hear her.

At least I couldn't figure out what these two were talking about.

"Your Majesty abandoned him, yourself! He uprooted me for saying no!"

Forget about her. It was undeniable that the king had abandoned his children and failed to care for them.

Even before I was born, the king had a history of abandoning children.

The king and queen had a prince from an earlier marriage.

But the prince was an disabled.

He couldn't even hold his upper body upright, let alone walk, on his own.

Even a year after he was born, he couldn't clear his throat and was always drooling.

It was only a matter of time before the royal blessing turned into a curse.

It was something that had no place in a royal family that was supposed to be a picture of exalted perfection at all times.

The royal family was turned upside down.

Perhaps under normal circumstances, the king would have acted in the interest of royal honor.

He would have framed the queen, proved the fraud, and somehow emphasized that the prince who was born an invalid did not carry on the lineage of the kingdom.

The poor child would have been cast out and died a horrible death.

But perhaps the king was not capable of such cruelty. Or was he thinking of friction with the queen's native country of the Northwest?

Surprisingly, the king was not cruel to him.

He just made the prince look like he didn't exist.

It was announced that the invalid prince had died after a long illness. Publicly, that was.

“The prince's inability to get up and his drooling were all caused by his illness. He was only sick, and God took him home to His arms at last."

The king did not even hold a funeral for the young prince, who was pronounced dead.

He just couldn't bring himself to kill his own flesh and blood, so he buried the real prince in another country.

With the high infant mortality rate, no one suspected anything.

But it wasn't without its problems.

For better or worse, a prince was a prince, and he was the de facto center of attention and conflict.

Anything that happened to the prince, who could die tomorrow, would not escape the king's scrutiny.

It was natural to want to avoid a fight with the kingdom that controlled the continent.

No one was willing to take the prince in.

And so me, a Duke, after a cautious wait, took the king's hand.

The king rewarded the duke for his cooperation in keeping his open secret.

The prince was still alive and well. He was still toothless and unable to hold himself together.

That was the secret sauce between the kingdom and the Duke.

Since then, the relationship between the king and queen had twisted dramatically.

The half-delirious queen spent her years of debauchery in luxury and pleasure, while the king wandered the streets.

When they occasionally meet, the fight would go on like this.

Even more so after the Princess’s birth.

It was the old fight between parents over a sick child, each blaming the other.......

"Perhaps I should have abandoned the queen then, too, and my head would not have ached so much."

Those cruel, cold words didn't even hurt her.

That was what a broken relationship looked like.

"Of course not," she said, "I don't think I'm afraid of anything, Your Majesty is!"

"What do you mean I'm afraid of?"

"You were afraid that you'd ditch me and take a new queen, and that you'd paint a pretty picture that Your Majesty didn't want!"

"A picture I don't want?"

"Proof that your lineage was incomplete; that there wasn't a single sane person in it, except for that wench who was sleeping with the gardener, just as the one you abandoned was! Who knows what beastly creatures might have been occupying the royal palace! No, I'm sure it was!"

The king's face grew harsh at the harshness of her words.

I glanced at the two of them and took a step backward.

It was a virtue to be unobtrusive.

There were already many secrets that were shared as a couple, and to be seen like this in private might cause irreparable damage.

The king did not catch me as I quietly slipped out of the room.

It looked like there was more to the argument.

Perhaps it was only natural that I should run into her while wandering around the palace.

She was walking slowly through the deserted streets, as if returning to a faraway place.

Her innocent gait was very unsteady.

For someone so white, it felt strangely like a tangle of jet-black shadows.

With each step, her thin body swayed pitifully.

Her right hand held a high-heeled shoe. The hem of her dress dragged on the floor.

Because she was walking barefoot, there were dirt stains on the grass where she was stepping.

The king's words from earlier rang in my ears.

"So, how many hours has she stopped today?”

At the same time, a swollen leg flashed before my eyes.

She must have been sitting there all day without being asked to do anything.

No wonder she couldn't even walk properly.

The king had warned me, but it was also natural to want to help.

Hurrying over to her, I reached out with a gentle hand.

The moment my hand touched her arm, I had to think about what to call her.

Princess or The One Who Sees.

I realize that I've never even heard her name, which should be all over the world.

"Princess."

"You…. Go."

Without turning in my direction, she dismissed me in a cold voice.

A hand, as cold as her voice, reached for my arm and roughly pulled it away.

Momentary embarrassment filled me.

Maybe I should have known, on this day, at this hour.

About her unusual indifference.

***

To donate for extra chapters for my series or to tip me visit my personal kofi page 

https://ko-fi.com/doradora 

Sponsored by Curufin. Thank you 💖 (7/10)

***

****The Duke’s point of view when he first met the FL.

10 years of eccentricity.

That's it.

Unable to continue reading, I closed the journal and recalled what seemed like an eternity ago.

The first time I met her, it was the year after she entered the palace as a princess.

It was summer. I remember it as an unusually hot year.

The sun's scorching rays, Tsurami's loud cries, and the conversation between the king and queen.

Even now, more than a decade later, I remember it all clearly.

The King, the hegemon of the continent, the loser of the kingdom, truly cherished the duke among the many vassal kingdoms.

It was not a fondness that came from the heart.

There was a political reason for it: he had buried his old wrongs in the duchy.

On that day, I was at the royal palace to make a report on the 'mistake'.

"Oh, is it hard?"

The queen's voice was lilting, piercing through the tightly closed door.

The king, frozen in place, glared murderously at the thick door.

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught his eye.

If he went on another rampage, it would be up to me to calm him down.

The king's clenched fists were ready to break down the door at any moment and barge in.

"Say something. What do you intend to do with your mouth? Did I ever hope for anything great from you?"

His tense tone was like a knife, cutting right through the listener.

"Did I want you to show off your shabby eloquence, or did I want you to show off your vainglorious education and knowledge? All I've asked is for you to listen, and perhaps even learn."

Tsk, tsk. The exaggerated tongue-lashing conveyed a fierce mockery of his opponent.

I wondered who the Queen was to behave so sharply.

"It's been a year already. If you're a princess, you should have the proper cultivation for your position. How can you be ashamed to call yourself a princess? Can you even read?"

She continued her elegant diatribe. It was the very definition of a queen.

"If you can't hide your humble origins, at least put on a good front. If you know you're not good enough, at least show a little enthusiasm. Where does something like this come from, crawling into your................"

At that moment, a rough hand reached out and yanked the door open.

The bang, quite a harsh noise, caused the queen to stop talking and turn around with a scowl.

"I was wondering who was making such an undignified noise, Your Majesty."

She unfolded her fan and glared at the king who had suddenly burst in.

Ignoring her, the king stalked off to a corner.

Where the king stopped, he spotted an unseen figure.

It was a girl, all white.

She was petite. Hands clasped gently above the white dress that hugged her tiny frame. Her skin as white as a cloud. Her loose silver hair fell to her waist.

Dense white eyelashes over downcast eyes. The eyes that peeked out were a light blue, almost white.

At first glance, one might mistake her for the ghost of the clock tower.

And yet, my first thought was that it was something sacred.

There was something about the mournful, lofty aura that surrounded her that made me feel that way.

As I gazed at her mesmerized, I felt a strange sense of clarity wash over me.

Only later did I realize the meaning of the familiarity.

It was the feeling you get when you're staring at a statue.

"Princess."

"...."

"Are you a mute? Why can't you say a word?"

The king's harsh voice rang out.

"The queen is wrong. Or she is right. You will do it or can't............. Are you incapable of such a thing?"

Her hand moved at the harshness of his voice.

"Or are you protesting to me now, to punish the Princess?"

The small princess grabbed the hem of her skirt with trembling fingers and bowed her head.

The hem of her white dress swayed, her hair following her actions.

Those white things breaking through the sunlight.

It was strangely mysterious, and I wanted to keep looking at it as long as time allowed.

"......Of course not, Your Majesty."

What she offered was a curtsy.

The tightness of her voice sent a shiver down the king's spine.

That was probably not what he wanted to hear right now.

The king was a fine man as a ruler of a nation, but as a human being, he was not someone you wanted to be close to.

He was demanding, sensitive, and crooked.

He was a man who had lived his life imposing his will on all things, and when things didn't go his way, he lost his temper.

Her greeting was nothing short of a protest.

The king's temper flared for a moment, and he snarled murderously.

"Stay away."

"...."

"Do you not hear me telling you to get out of my sight?"

At those words, her head snapped up.

The pale eyes I could finally meet were empty.

For some reason, she looked much more mature than her youthful appearance.

She looked like she might cry at any moment, but she obeyed the king's words without a word.

With a deep breath, her slow steps left the ground.

A sliver of her skirt fell away, revealing her slender feet and her high-heeled shoes. Her calves were swollen.

She barely made it to her feet. The sound of her weak steps was pitiful.

Strangely, she kept catching my eye, and I turned my head to follow her as she walked.

Then she stumbled momentarily in front of the door.

I instinctively reached out to support her.

But there was a fierce grip on my wrist. It was the king.

"What are you doing?"

"What?"

"Asking for help and accepting it. If she can't do that, she doesn’t deserve it."

I'm struggling, I need help............. If she had said those words, I would have been ready to give her a hug.

Then I heard a thud, the door closing.

The king's smug face twisted as he stared at where she had disappeared.

Then he turned and stared at the Queen.

"So, how many hours has she stopped today?"

Instead of answering, the queen rolled her eyes exaggeratedly.

The sneer made the king shudder.

"Don't tease me in this childish way, I'd rather you hit me in the calf."

"How could I childishly whip a calf, that's for the dead king's government."

"You think what you're doing is noble? Sometimes I think you're really cruel."

The cat thinks the mouse thinks.

"Uh-oh."

A voice sounded like a blade of laughter.

"Are you worried, or are you saying that you're the only one who's allowed to bully her?"

"If the Queen sees it that way, then it must be true."

"I'm surprised, but is it because they're related by blood? You can't help but be drawn to her by blood?"

"Yes, blood."

It was an unexpected affirmation.

It was no secret that the king was cold to her.

It would have been strange for him to treat her with affection after fifteen years of casual abandonment and only now recognizing her as a blood relative.

"What a shame," he said, "for if she were the queen's child, my lap would still be hers."

The sound was as sharp as the queen's words.

"I will never have a child to sit on my lap and rule the world. It's all your fault."

The queen's face crumpled at the mention of her infertility. She gritted her teeth.

She glared at the king, her eyes murderous.

Caught in the middle of their feud, I had to pretend I didn't hear anything and avert my gaze.

"How is that my fault?"

The queen's fists shook as she gripped the fan tightly.

The king glared down at her with arrogance.

"Then whose fault is it?"

"So, has there been a precedent for any of Your Majesty's mistresses to have children?"

"Is that child a ghost?"

"A ghost? Why can't you think of something more substantial, Your Majesty, do you really think that she is your child?"

The queen retaliated with exactly as much as the king had attacked her.

"Who knows, she could be the child of some wench who was fooling around with the gardener."

The queen chuckled softly at the mention of what was, in a way, the king's defense.

"It would be so ridiculous if the seeds had been switched. Oh, and I'm sure the cuckoo's chickens feed him with great care, unaware that he's killed my babies."

From her mother, she must have received a fragmentary account of her birth.

It was a different story than the one I had heard from the king.

Only the king, queen, and her mother would know the truth.

But the exact truth behind it didn't matter, at least not to me.

Whatever the circumstances, that was for the King and Queen to decide.

Whatever it was, the king had abandoned his daughter and failed to care for her.

That was the only thing that was true, and that mattered.

****

To donate for extra chapters for my series or to tip me visit my personal kofi page

https://ko-fi.com/doradora

Join my discord to get notifications for updates https://discord.gg/bxABmT2uK

(If the link is expired please message me for a new link)

Sponsored by Curufin. Thank you 💖 (6/10)

***

-I still... Even now, I can't forget the day I first saw you.

His eyes, shrouded in the dawn, stared at a distant memory.

They were tender, as if holding something that could not be broken, could not be crushed.

-That day, that hour, will live on in my heart forever.

As I stupidly opened my mouth to question his words, he continued.

-But・・・・・ then, why, why.

-....

-Why should you leave?

The words came out breathlessly, as if overcome with emotion, but my shock hadn't worn off.

I stared at him, my parted lips trembling.

I didn't know what to say back, or if the right words would come out of my mouth.

Just, just.

-Why do you see it that way?

He added a wry smile to my speechless stare.

-Do I not even deserve the Grand Duchess in my heart?

-I...

The voice that managed to escape could not even form words.

I was too confused to say anything more than that.

Where was I supposed to feel that way about him?

Of course, it was he who asked for my hand in marriage, and it wasn't that he was cold to begin with.

But no matter how many times I thought about it, I couldn't figure it out.

What, where.

What actions, what words, had I said that made him feel that way.

All the times he’s clung to me, all the times he’s read me a declaration of marriage and shared a kiss, all the dark nights imprinted on my body and mind, all the brief moments we've shared, all the six years we've spent together in the duchy.

The day I dared to swear an eternity of lies to the God I serve, to simply hold your hand, to follow my lost and wandering steps to this strange land.

Even if I replayed, rewound, and re-chewed all of the memories which had lived on the fringes of my memory, somewhere out of place.

I could not even guess what I should feel his heart.

All I knew that I wished for his heart desperately.

'I fear that I may be interrupting your busy schedule, but I have heard that good wine has arrived from the Queen's palace, and I thought it would be a good idea to share it with Your Highness.'

I held out my hand with difficulty, having sensed something creaking in my relationship with him a few years ago, but he waved my hand away, denying me, saying that we weren't the kind of affectionate relationship that could share a glass of wine.

The sound of that, blatantly telling me to know my position, was so cold.

The moment it was imprinted, the false oaths rang hollow.

-Say it. Anything will do.

-.....

-Grand Duchess.

In the end, that nothing................

-....I don't know.

The words I managed to get out seemed to leave a residue on the tip of my tongue.

I don't know. I don't know. Nothing, nothing.

I faltered and stumbled backward, away from him.

One step, then another, and I realized he was not the same person I knew.

A stranger, so rarely beautiful, disheveled in the darkness.

I shook my head and barely managed a whisper.

-Your Highness is too difficult a person for me.

-Nor are you easy with me; the Grand Duchess is the most difficult person I know.

His face contorted wistfully as he spat out the words.

-Even so, Grand Duchess. I wanted you with all my heart.

Was that a drunken joke, or did he feel sorry for me now that I had a different name?

Whatever it was, he mumbled something wistful and drew as close to me as I drew away.

As if he were trying to close the distance between us somehow.

***

#D-86

I stayed awake through that dawn.

Sitting up in my chair, I pushed back my tangled hair and watched the sun rise outside my window and the world slowly brighten.

Dawn, dusk. Dawn. Dusk, crepuscular.

Even with all the words I know for this time of day, there was no way to describe what I was seeing with my own eyes.

It was just a marvelous, mesmerizing landscape.

The world bathed in light was eerily beautiful, and I had less than three months to live.

I shall see neither this glare nor the end of the season to come.

If I thought about it soberly, even if I had more time, it wouldn't be much different from what I've been through so far.

The sun would rise earlier, and the days would grow hotter.

The cicadas would chirp, the vegetation would grow greener, the sun would be hotter, and one day it would rain incessantly.

My favorite autumn, the earth rippling with gold.

The coming abundance of all things will color the world with fertility, and then it will be gone.

The reality that I will never see the familiar, even though I know it well.

I was even more saddened by the fact that I knew the world would change for the better.

For some reason, his words at dawn kept echoing in my ears.

"Why must you leave?”

No one asked that question more deeply than me.

I asked again and again, but God gave me no answer.

As if there were no lower reason.

Suddenly, I felt grateful to him.

I was lamenting the fact that I had to leave.

At least I wasn't fretting and worrying about it.

My selfishness blossomed.

With a weak smile on my face, I stared at the bed.

When the sun rose a little further into the world, I saw him stir.

- You’re awake.

His hand moved in response to my weak greeting, as if nothing had happened.

A graceful hand sliced through the air and pressed against my temple.

-You must have had too much to drink.

At my laughing whisper, he let out a deep sigh.

A muffled voice followed.

- It seems I've been............ naughty in the night.

There didn't seem to be much to call it.

I didn't know what to say, so I just stared at him, and he raised his upper body.

As if hungover, he opened his mouth, still clutching his head.

-Grand Duchess.

- Yes?

-Do you remember the first time you met me?

As if I were reliving the early morning hours of a day that I could only vaguely recall. I nodded.

-Of course I remember. I'll never forget it.

As he once said, I was always sitting in the temple. In a duchy, in a kingdom.

But no matter how long I sat in the temple, no one ever approached me.

If they did, they would have offended the king or queen.

So, he was the first person to approach me casually in the temple of the royal palace.

He was the first person who spoke to me casually, who brought me warmth, a memory I would never forget.

It had been years, but I could still see the colors of the sun shining through the stained glass.

To me, he was a mysterious presence that appeared through the salt dust that covered the white temple.

- I remember everything, even the words you spoke that day.

- What did I say to the Grand Duchess then?

- You asked me if the world I see is different from the world you see.

I added a faint smile.

I felt like I knew the answer to a question I couldn't have known then.

-Sadly, the world as I see is much uglier.

Unlike my world, which was all gray, at least yours would have many colors.

He stretched out his hand to me.

His touch was gentle on my cheek, rough from the night.

As if there were an uncontrollable affection.

-Grand Duchess.

-Yes, Your Highness.

-Not that day.

- ......yes?

I couldn't help but ask.

-The first time the Grand Duchess and I met was long before that.

I groped for a faint memory. I wondered if I had done anything to deserve to run into him.

At least in the five years I had lived in the royal household, I had never heard of a visit from the Duke.

But when?

- I know I'm being disingenuous, but I mean it. From the day I first saw the Grand Duchess until now. A whole decade.

Ten years, 3650 days.

The time I'd been given was incalculably long.

-All I wanted for all that time was the Grand Duchess.

Would the word ‘secret’ used in situations like this?

I froze again and just stared at him.

I couldn't just take his words at face value.

***

To donate for extra chapters for my series or to tip me visit my personal kofi page 

https://ko-fi.com/doradora 

Join my discord to get notifications for updates https://discord.gg/MKWnASzDFB

(If the link is expired please message me for a new link)

Advanced chapters https://www.patreon.com/DoraTLs

Sponsored by Curufin. Thank you 💖 (5/10)

****

    🎼 In the dim dawn of that day, I saw him for the first time in days.

Sorrow and joy, grief and exultation.

I woke up in the early morning moonlight, dazed and exhausted from the flood of tears of all kinds of emotions.

There was a faint glimmer of moonlight in the air.

As I blinked my eyes, which had grown accustomed to the darkness, I suddenly felt a pitying gaze upon me.

There was no reason to question it.

There was only one person who could be here at this hour anyway.

I turned my head with a grunt, following the shadow.

He was sitting in the poisonous darkness, leaning crookedly back in his chair, watching me.

Instead of the scarlet tint of the setting sun the day we first met, he was illuminated by the pale light of the moon.

There was something strangely wistful about him, lingering in the silence of the moonlight, that stirred my heart.

Our gazes collided.

A terrible silence descended.

I hesitated in the seemingly unbroken silence, then opened my lips.

-…..Are you here?

At the sound of my muffled voice, he lifted his head slightly.

With a grunt, he stood up.

The padding of his shoes grew softly.

Not far away, closing in on me with difficulty.

Each step seemed so precarious.

Finally, he was close enough to take a deep breath.

My eyes traced his silhouette in the moonlight, as if to remind me at the time.

The same sensation.

Soon, he collapsed into me, as if he were about to fall.

-Grand Duchess.

I embraced him in my arms as he mumbled.

The ripe weight was heavy. At the same time, the smell of alcohol was strong.

The scent was familiar, but not unpleasant, as I had always smelled it on my mother.

- Have you been drinking?

-No.

This was an incorrect pronunciation.

- Your Highness.

-….Grand Duchess.

Instead of any message, he just called me over and over again for a while.

It wasn't just a drunken call, but a nameless emotion that dug into my chest and took my breath away.

- Yes, Your Grace, what is it?

My timid answer was met with a muffled, small sob. As if it were a mistake.

Slowly, a hand moved to wrap around my waist in a tight embrace. Our interlocked arms vibrated together.

Soon.

-......

My name, a name I had forgotten, was on those lips.

If I had my hands free, I would have clamped my mouth shut.

The only one of mine that I hadn't heard in over a decade, because no one had called me that since my mother died.

Just a bastard princess. The One Who Sees. Either that or a Duchess.

That was me.

I wonder if it's because.

That you knew my name, that it was uniquely mine, pronounced by those lips, was mystifying.

-Why..................

Then something heavy landed on my shoulder.

Something that felt much heavier than the raindrops of my life that once hit me, much heavier than the weight of him weighing me down now.

Slowly, the one drop became two, then three.

The drops grew larger and larger until they finally reached my heart.

He cried.

-Why・・・・・・ are you crying?

To me he wept.

I asked in a dumbfounded voice through the sobs and tears that seemed to weigh me down. There was no answer, so I mumbled again.

-Why does Your Highness weep?

-Why not….?

 An unspoken question followed.

A moving hand fumbled, cupped my face.

The hand that traced the outline was still vibrating.

-Do I not even deserve to show tears for you?

I couldn't find the words to answer.

If you asked me for qualifications, nothing was impossible for you, the owner of all that I am.

-You.

-Yes.

-If you say yes, is that the end of it?

-What end are you referring to? It would be easier for me to understand if you were clearer.

- Dying, like that!

The shouting broke out.

It was a shout, a scream, that never quite made it to the end.

I just echoed his words.

- What am I supposed to do then?

As I asked the king, I could not help but ask him.

-It's not like we can stop it.

- I can't stop it.......... I can't stop it................

A small chuckle escaped me.

Haha, hysterical laughter echoed in all directions.

I had to shake my head quietly out of habit.

The inevitable had already been decided.

I was the one who would be the most upset by this.

And yet.

-Do you have to leave me like this?

I stiffened like a fly at the whisper, which came out like a song.

-Can you not tell me no?

I would gladly whisper it, if what came out of my mouth was the truth.

What was on the tip of my tongue was just a promise I couldn't keep.

I shook my head gently.

-I can't.

-Really... Really..................

I thought the look in his eyes as he pulled away from me for a moment was vicious.

A light that swallowed up despair and hurt.

I didn't miss the warmth that was only a moment away.

Now I was puzzled.

Why?

- Were you not going to give me time to prepare for the day you would leave?

A quizzical sound followed.

I turned to look at him and whispered.

-・・・・・・・ They call it a breakup because it comes when you least expect it.

-Is that what you're saying now?

-Your Highness, as I said, there's nothing you can do to change it, so it's what it is.

-Why do you answer so bluntly?

The king's words rang in my ears as he asked if I felt anything.

Maybe, just maybe, I was as broken as I thought I was.

I wondered if it would have made a difference if I had cried and argued, if I had gone on a rampage, if I had gone mad with the truth, with the reality of what had happened.

Would God have taken pity on me and extended my life for just one more day, one more second.

No, even if my time ended on the appointed day. At least I would be able to say that I had lived a life without regrets, surrounded by a secure fence.

-Do I seem so carefree now in Your Highness’ eyes?

-No, if you were truly bland, you wouldn't be behaving so strangely in the first place!

The reply to my still calm voice was more like a shout.

- The pain is driving you crazy! You can't stand it! That's why you keep showing your feelings through your actions! Someone please understand!

The words hit the nail on the head, and I clenched my fists tightly.

- And so I knew, finally, the truth that you had hidden!

- Why do you say that when you know so well?

- Why?

He asked fiercely.

-Why don't you say anything?

The reason was simple. My life was no different when I lived with my mother because there was no one to listen to me.

-No one can understand what you don't say, not even the Grand Duchess, not even me.

My mother, who was always busy, smelled of alcohol and cannabis. Drunk on bad things, she was a talker, not a listener. Alas.

-Do I not deserve to hear the Grand Duchess’ worries and thoughts?

I thought to myself.

They say the first thing an abused child learns is to keep his mouth shut.

Say as little as possible to avoid being assaulted.

Perhaps my breakdown was similar.

At some point, I got used to being quiet and holding it in because there was no one to listen.

- We lived six years under one quilt, and in all that time, to the Grand Duchess, I was just that person?

-Of course not.

-Talking about anything, sharing, worrying together・・・・・・ Isn't that what a couple is?

His words echoed in my ears, asking if I ever thought of him as a husband.

-Didn't we vow to be the only two people in the world who understood each other fully?

-....

That was the vow he and I recited.

Yeah, maybe.

Maybe he and I were married, and we repeated each other's names, but we never fully accepted each other.

But it's not like I didn't have something to say when he asked.

- Then again, Your Highness, you never really say anything to me, do you, as you did just now.

For a moment his face contorted painfully.

A second later, his fists clenched.

Then he clenched. Then he loosened it again.............

The pulsating hand repeated the same action several times.

- I-----.

In the inky darkness, he looked straight at me, eye to eye.

I could hear his voice, drunk but clear, lighting up the darkness.

-From the day we met, all I ever wanted was to have you, just you, completely.

It was perhaps the most shocking thing he had ever said to me.

***

To donate for extra chapters for my series or to tip me visit my personal kofi page 

https://ko-fi.com/doradora 

Join my discord to get notifications for updates https://discord.gg/bxABmT2uK

(If the link is expired please message me for a new link)

Advanced chapters https://www.patreon.com/DoraTLs

Sponsored by Curufin. Thank you 💖 (4/10)

***

   🎼 I wonder if I would feel any differently if I had listened to him earlier.

The few chances I'd had with the king so far were replaying in my mind.

The day he recognized me as a princess.

The day I were married, the day I left the kingdom.

Before I was gone from his side forever.

Or, worse, before this dreadful prophecy fell upon me.

Would I have willingly accepted those words and run into his arms?

-Really・・・・・・ All this time, it seems like the that was the only thing I ever wanted to hear from Your Majesty.

The words I wanted to hear so badly, the recognition I wanted to receive so terribly.

It didn't sound as sweet as I'd imagined.

The sound I'd been hoping for would only leave me hollow.

The past washed over me like a tidal wave.

The stories of the past kept coming back to me.

-I've been thinking about it all along. That one day You Majesty would call me that.

The memories made me wistful to no end at this moment.

Why only now?

- But now that you're here............ saying that.

I shook my head.

A thick tear rolled down my chin.

I, a mere castaway from the king's past, had a wound that no amount of salve could heal.

The wounds that haunted me for so long were both easy and difficult to summarize in a few words.

-Does the past fade away?

I think not, Largo.

Just as the moment I first wrote you was not the first step in my life, but a story with him.

Just as the next thing I had to tell you, after his coldness, were the memories of the King that my mother had told me.

I may have harbored strange expectations of the king, who always seemed so cold and distant.

Wherever he was, he didn't speak.

That a parent's love for their child was unconditional.

But if it was unconditional, then the child's love for the parent was also unconditional.

Even if their parents were abusing them, they had no choice but to trust and follow the first person they met who held their hand when they were thrown out into the world.

It's funny in retrospect.

What do you believe in, what aspects of a person can you look at and say you love unconditionally.

- How Your Majesty has treated me......... all these years.

-I know, I know!

The king's face turned as red as his bloodshot eyes as he shouted.

I wiped the tears from my eyes and looked straight at him.

- Why did the All-Knowing One do this?

-....

- Then and only now...... Why, only now............?

The unspoken words were on the tip of my tongue.

I realize once again. Death is so heavy, so big.

I lifted my face to hold back the tears.

In contrast, the king's head dropped again, this time with a sigh and no effort.

A grudging apology tugged at his tense lips.

- I am・・・・・ king.

-I know.

-I am supposed to be the most faithful servant, to protect and balance all things, to be faithful to God. But.......

The king paused for a moment, his lips trembling.

-I could not help but find you lovely in my fatherly eyes.

I, a mere bastard to you.

- In fact, I love you. (King)

I, who, according to the king, should not have been allowed in his life.

-I can tell you that・・・・・・.

But he were truly selfish to allow me to be a permanent stain on his life.

I felt bad for him.

- The moment I show the slightest hint of it, the order of the kingdom will collapse.

My shoulders slumped, my face stained.

The king standing before me looked like a man I had never seen before.

And yet,

-What about me?

I cried, trapped in my fifteen-year-old self, unable to escape.

-Wasn’t it scary to have your relationship with me, your only blood, fall apart...........?

The king had no answer to that.

Funnily enough, I knew the answer to that question.

- Yes, Your Majesty’s country must have been much bigger and heavier than your relationship with your insignificant bastard child, and you must have been afraid of being torn apart by the many eyes upon you.

-My child.

-It's only natural. Your Majesty would not have been able to disrupt the order of the kingdom on your own. I understand that, and yet, nevertheless......

I sneered, then clenched my fists.

-Couldn't you have at least said a few kind words before this day came?

Yes, this was it. This was the problem.

Why what I just heard fell meaningless.

Why I couldn't fully accept what I wanted and hoped for?

-If you were truly afraid to look me in the eye, if that was all you were, then you could have told me that I am not a weakness, a blemish, a mistake, but a daughter you approve of.

In all the time I had lived with him, he had given me nothing.

- But you didn't.

Rather, I was always chilled to the bone, as if I were insignificant, by your bitter coldness.

Each of hiswords, each of his actions, was now an unhealing wound, scarring my colorless world.

I doubted because of him.

Even if I had a child, could I ever love him as much as I was hurt.

-For abandoning me and my mother............... and letting her die the way she did…. Even when I was eventually chosen by God.

Ha, the wind escaped his lips.

It was an involuntary sob.

-Now, Your Majesty just asked me to understand................ you teach me nothing, not even a single word of explanation, just understand.

Everything was futile, nothing more than a blur.

-・・・・・・・ Every word I said to you was a word to me. I didn't want to hurt you.

-So, if that's how you explain it now, does that mean that the abuse I heard didn’t happen?

The king could barely meet my gaze at the question.

How did he ask me to atone for it?

-Do you know?

-What?

-My mother never once spoke ill of Your Majesty.

There was no need for atonement.

-Unlike you, who insulted my mother, she had always admired and loved you, Ben you abandoned her... even if it was in the end. She told me If you meet me again one day, I know you will cherish me….So do not hate. Nor blame you.

For I will not accept it.

-Maybe I had always vaguely thought of you as a good person. It never occurred to me that you would coldly dismiss me when we met again.

The king looked at me with watery eyes and chewed his lip.

-But if nothing had happened to me. If that had been the case, would Your Majesty have bothered to say these words today?

-....

Unable to say anything, the king raised his head.

The gaze that held mine was filled with a complex light.

-Your Majesty seems to just want to ease your guilt, but…

I turned my head, finally turning away from the king.

- I don't need a king like that.

I could feel his eyes on me, stiffening in shock.

I felt like I was finally, finally free of his shadow, the shadow I had been trapped in for so long.

-Please leave now.

- My dear. My daughter.

- I never want to see Your Majesty again.

-....

The king stood there like that, for a long time, at my fierce words.

The silence that had settled over us circled around.

Then, finally, I heard the sound of footsteps... shuffling, shuffling, shuffling.

And then the figure disappeared from the bedroom.

My legs gave way.

I sprawled on the floor, oblivious to the maid watching me.

A wave of nausea washed over me. I gulped down my churning stomach again and again.

As the disgusting sour taste lingered in my mouth, a strange sense of comfort and relief washed over me.

Even if he was an a***hole, he at least put me in this world.

I didn't say it was wrong, per se.

He didn't tell me I shouldn't have been born.

Still, I was only hated by him.

The thought made me laugh and cry at the same time.

- Ha, ha, ha.......

My hands and feet were shaking, my body was vibrating, and I was out of breath.

And then I was,

Loved.

-....

My breath caught in my throat as the rush came.

A rush of irrational emotions dominated me.

Something that I didn’t know how to describe.

One of the last wishes I thought I'd never fulfill folded into a fine line.

Selfish he would not know. He didn't want to know.

But thanks to you, I could now give up hope and banish him from my heart.

A small deficiency in me, long unfilled, has worn away.

***

To donate for extra chapters for my series or to tip me visit my personal kofi page 

https://ko-fi.com/doradora 

Join my discord to get notifications for updates https://discord.gg/bxABmT2uK

(If the link is expired please message me for a new link)

Advanced chapters https://www.patreon.com/DoraTLs

Sponsored by Curufin. Thank you 💖 (3/10)

****

-It's been a long time, Your Majesty.

-What? Long time no see, Your Majesty?

- Yes?

- Are you............speaking so casually now?

I had to shake my head at the King's attitude as he chewed his words and spoke ferociously.

I couldn't even guess why the king had appeared before me in the first place.

- Your Majesty, now….why are you here?

-You, indeed….

The king's lips trembled as much as his fingers.

-Is there no day for you to face me in the future?

He asked so bluntly, the king found it hard to hear.

He twirled it and put it into his mouth.

As if it was something he didn't want to admit.

-How much time is left?

-....

This was a strange one, too. It was a long time ago.

Probably when I was living in the slums.

The main character in the book I read at that time was the first to say that he couldn't easily tell his parents about his illness, and that he was sorry even though he was the one suffering from the illness.

I had seen that monologue before.

Looking back, it was strange. You don't see expensive books in the slums.

But whatever it was, I felt like this was one of those moments.

There was no point in saying sorry. It wouldn't have meant anything anyway.

But what I did do was admit to him with a casual nod of my head, that I was indeed dying.

I couldn't find the words to tell him that he was the one who had brought me into the world, the one who was worse than anyone else.

The unspoken became affirmed, and the king's eyes turned red in an instant.

With a snap, he turned to the young maid, who was still prostrate beside him.

A harsh shout followed.

- How dare you! How dare you!

-Your Majesty!

He lunged at her and caught her neck, and I was forced to stand between them. For this child was a poor soul, unable to fulfill the great responsibility and duty that had been placed upon her.

I knew the panic of the moment, and I had been through it myself, realizing what no one else had taught me.

There was something I had to teach her, step by step.

-She’s just a child, what's wrong with this child?

-You, you! Even in the midst of all this.................

The king's lips curled in disbelief as he faced me.

-You don't feel anything about your death, do you? Still?

I couldn't understand him.

What was he trying to tell me?

I looked at the king, and he said something rather harsh.

-Are you even a person?

The words hurt me deeply, even now.

The king spat it out and closed his mouth in pain.

When the man who had been raging with excitement fell silent, the only sound was the sobbing of the young maid.

The king averted his gaze.

-You asked if I was a person?

-....yes.

-Then. What do you want me to do?

It was I who could not endure the king's rare silence.

- What can I say that will satisfy Your Majesty?

- ......what?

- Do I really look so useless in Your Majesty's eyes?

These were words that would never have escaped my lips, not even in a lifetime, if it weren't for a time like this.

The king's eyes widened as he looked at me once more.

I appealed to him.

If this appeal could change anything, I would gladly.

-I, too, would like to live, if only for one more minute, one more second.

That was probably the most honest thing I've ever said in my life.

-But I cry, I get frustrated, I despair, I rant and................ What do you do when nothing you do changes anything?

It was a real question.

It was a question that would not be answered until the day I died.

I was simply abandoned, and God told me I had no other destiny.

That was the end of it.

-Do you think it was my choosing?

-You!

-I'm told that's the only reality I have, and there's nothing I can do to change it.......... What the hell do you expect me to do?

The king did not answer.

He just stared at me with his bloodshot eyes.

-You don't teach me anything, you just tell me I'm wrong............. What more can I do, what should I do here?

I raised my head and looked at the king defiantly.

-Teach me.

-....

The king pursed his lips.

But still no words were heard.

-It is I who suffers most now.

Even if I didn’t seem to mind, even if I didn’t show it.

It was I, not others, who struggled with life, despair, and fight death.

Had I learned nothing?

No, not at all.

At least my fading life didn't come back to haunt me.

I would not see the sunlight of the morning, or the moonlight of the night, anytime soon.

This spring would be the last.

The coming early summer would be the last.

From the sweltering late summer to the freezing winter, I would not be with you. Not even the roses my husband plucked would I hold in my arms again.

The king's hand shook at my words.

It was a stark contrast to my own, stiff as a board, staring at him in place.

The king's hand swam slowly through the air.

Coming closer to me, and then, just then.

It stopped, as if there was an impermissible distance between us.

- When I.......

and his hand fell helplessly away.

He clutched his face in pain.

A wrinkled cheek, visible through the gap of the fingers, vibrated.

-What do you want me to do for the sins I've committed against you, my child?

The words were so unexpected that I momentarily doubted my ears.

In fact, even as I recounted the moment, I couldn’t believe what I heard.

-Hmm.......?

The king's head dropped with a sigh.

- What the hell, what do you want me to atone for...........

The words faded into the distance.

No words could have been more fitting for the king and me than those I knew.

-There are two great punishments for a parent, one of which is to have a sick child, and the other is to have their child leave the world before them........ Do you know?

I blinked once and mumbled dumbly.

- Me..... Didn't you hate me?

I could still hear the words he spewed at me, and the wound that never healed still stings.

He still had his head down and was shouting out words as if he were angry.

-Does it matter if I like you or not?!

-I’m only your stain, you said.

The words I could never forget, the ones that had left me cold, came back to me in my ears.

-You said you'd never be able to give me love.

-….Do you think that is something that can be done as one pleases?

The king lifted his head again.

-From the day you were born until now, I can't remember a single moment of your stay.

- What you say is unbelievable. Where was I............ that I should have felt such feelings for Your Majesty?

-Where should I have felt my heart, when you don't even remember me, the one who came to visit you in the slums!

Was there ever such a time?

I fumbled for this memory.

-You don't know. Even as an infant,........ I could sit you on my lap and you would never smile at me. Unlike your mother, who could melt a man with her soft voice and cooing.

Shamelessness was my first thought. How could he mention my mother with those lips?

-I learned that children are much different than I imagined. I learned that a person's heart cannot be controlled.

I couldn't stand to listen to the words that kept coming.

Something disgusting stirred in my stomach, a sickening feeling.

It was terrifying.

It was a jet-black feeling that I didn't understand, that I didn't want to even try to understand.

-The more I tried to hate you, the more I was helpless looking at your eyes, and the more I realized I couldn't love you, the more affection I had.

-....

-I didn't want to care about you, and I hated the way you kept bringing up my ugly past!

The cold rant seemed to echo around the room.

With a heavy sigh, the king stared at me helplessly with teary eyes.

-Even so, you, you・・・・・・・ were the only flesh and blood left to me.

His voice was choked, as if his breath had been stolen from him.

-Your hair color is like mine, your eyes like your mother's................ Your nose resembles mine, your lips resemble mine, your voice resembles min… and I see places you resemble me..............

What I thought would be a steady stream trickled down the king's stern cheeks.

It ran down his chin, hit the floor, and broke into pieces.

-How can you be so lovely, without giving me anything............. How can something like this exist in the world? It shouldn't. It's a bastard at best.

The self-help whisper went on.

- Every time I looked at you, I had to swallow my............... words.

The tear-filled words crumbled in my ears.

-My daughter.

My daughter,

but you are my father,

and you are my only blood relative with no fond memories.

As the words I thought I would never hear echoed in my ears, tears rolled down my cheeks that I had been holding back since I had met the king.

Why,

now.

***

To donate for extra chapters for my series or to tip me visit my personal kofi page 

https://ko-fi.com/doradora 

Join my discord to get notifications for updates https://discord.gg/bxABmT2uK

(If the link is expired please message me for a new link)

Advanced chapters https://www.patreon.com/DoraTLs

Sponsored by Curufin. Thank you 💖 (2/10)

****

#D-90

In a pitiful dream, I saw God.

It had been my life's work to worship God, but ironically, I had never faced him before.

It was a strange experience.

Perhaps it was just my fantasy coming to life, but it felt like a validation of my faith.

At that moment, I wondered what I had dared to ask God.

I don't remember exactly, but God answered me, enveloped in a gentle cloud of light.

=Well.

He had intruded upon my drowsy dreams like that.

His soothing voice filled the warmth of my cradle.

=I do not love you more because you are my child, nor do I hate you more because you are my child.

-.....

I wanted to open my mouth to ask.

Then why are you so cruel to me?

As if an unasked-for voice touched the tip of my tongue, God laughed softly.

=I love this world equally, this place I have made and cultivated, and yet there are three whom I hold dearer.

A gentle ray of light seemed to stroke my hair.

My consciousness was hazy, and everything I saw was unclear, but I felt strangely comforted.

The warm voice continued.

=You were one of them.

-You're talking differently.

There was a difference between cherishing something and loving it especially.

I wonder if he'd be offended if I called it a clever pun.

=I can't possibly be offended by such a thing.

-......

Unnecessarily poked, I squared my shoulders.

Another flurry of light stroked my hair.

It wasn't hard to recognize the touch as divine.

A gentle voice rang out. For some reason, I thought God was smiling.

But.

=But my child.

-Yes.

=Your time is at an end.

How could that smiling voice speak such cruel words?

I stared at the cluster of lights, and the god spoke.

=The new Seeer is not chosen first, for your time, my precious child, has come to an end, and I have created one who will follow in your footsteps. I have given you a final grace period.

-A grace period・・・・・

It was as if He had already decided the end of my life.

Perhaps I was already dead the day I saw the prophecy.

A weak smile tugged at my lips.

Nothing I could do would change that.

=I'm proud of you. I don't regret choosing you.

His words were almost soothing.

=I want you to organize the last part of your life and have no regrets. And come back to me.

-....

I could only bow my head in silence.

After waking up from such a strange dream, I just sat and stared into space.

I could no longer see the cluster of lights that had engulfed me.

I couldn't tell if I had heard my wish, dreamed in vain, or if I had really seen God.

I couldn't ask anyone.

Who else but me could know the truth of what had happened.

Regardless, something else was clear.

The story of the birth of a new "seeer" that spread like wildfire in a single day.

Everyone in the world naturally knew my fate.

There was no room for pity, for anything.

I would simply fade away, leaving my place to the next generation, as those who speak the language of the gods have always done.

Like dew at dawn, like mist.

But.

Returning from the hunt, he ran into the room without hesitation.

-You!!!

The noise of the door slamming open was unusually loud.

Forgetting his usual ease and dignity, he stood in place and stared at me for a while.

I wondered what he was thinking, what he wanted to say.

His ragged breath echoed through the room.

A rather long silence enveloped the two of us.

Then he opened his lips and said-

-Are you really dying?

He could only ask.

It was a word that said so much.

Was the rumor true, had a new person been born, and was my life coming to an end when I could only pass on my place to the next generation?

All sorts of truths.

Raising my shy head, I could only stare at him.

His usually neat black hair was damp with sweat.

He gasped in ragged breaths at my silent gaze.

Once, blinking, he let out a low growl.

-Answer me, now!

I stared at him, a face I had never seen before.

What should I say?

The world seemed to have fallen apart.

It was strange.

It wasn't like I didn't have good memories of him.

On the contrary, we spent countless nights together like a normal couple, and at some point, I definitely felt loved.

And yet, when I think of him, the only days I remembered were the days we fought.

I could still hear the sound of my voice as I cried and argued with him, and the coldness of his face.

That was why it was so strange to see him with that face.

And then.

I felt like I had to say something I hadn't been able to say for a long time.

I smiled, the most beautiful smile I could muster.

-Yes.

-....

At the meek affirmation, he looked at me in bewilderment.

His eyes widened in astonishment.

None of it seemed like the man I knew.

For some reason, he seemed to take my news in stride, asking, 

-How, how................

Then he muttered, his voice tinged with despair.

Then, as if unable to continue, he pursed his lips for a moment.

Slowly, a hand moved to touch his own forehead.

His half-stupefied eyes were tangled in complexity.

I didn't say anything, just looked at him.

After some time, his ragged, blue lips twitched.

- Was this the reason why you had been acting so strangely….?

-....

To the nervous question, I couldn't say yes, no, or any excuse.

-I know nothing! Have you known all this time?

-.....

-Then, the prophecy that was spoken to you ................

There was much in the words that were crushed by his gnashing of teeth.

When he asked me, to which I could not answer, whether the prophecy had anything to do with my death, I could give no answer.

For all was truth.

But there was no more certain affirmation than silence.

-Ha, ha.......

With a wry smile, he staggered to his feet.

Turning on his heel, he began to pace, looking as if he might collapse at any moment.

My heart ached at the sight of his staggering back, for it seemed he was leaving me.

I remembered him for a long time afterward.

-....

I pulled back my outstretched hand from his back.

Whatever it was, my heart was rotting.

I still couldn't escape the time, the day I first learned of this prophecy.

I was surrounded by a vague sense of fear and dread in this white space.

My ugly self, crying for life, struggling to escape my inevitable death.

I was scared, terrified.

Maybe no one would remember me.

Even they would forget that I ever lived.

My Largo,

Funnily enough, that's what scared me the most.

As if everyone took it for granted that I would pass on my place to the next generation and disappear.

That everyone would forget that I came and went from this world, disappearing like the morning mist.

I feared that it would be forgotten that I ever breathed and walked on this earth, this beautiful land.

I feared that from the small circle of people with whom I had had relationships, I would be lost forever.

And that they would be sick because of me. I was afraid they’d be sad. That they would suffer, and I was so, so afraid of that.

It was a strange thing.

It wasn't a life I'd worked hard for, it was just something I took for granted, waking up every morning and closing my eyes every night.

Nevertheless, the mere fact that I could see the end of my life awakened in me a need for survival that I didn't even know existed.

One thing was clear.

I didn’t want to die yet.

***

#D-87

To my great surprise, the first person to come to me in response to the rumors that had spread like wildfire through the world was the king. He had traveled a great distance, from the kingdom to the duchy in a month, to see a person whom he had so little regard.

- You----- you!

He barged into my bedroom, fingers waving, pointing at me.

I jerked my head up at the voice calling out to me like a terminal scream.

Because I was the one who couldn't understand what was happening.

In a moment of disbelief, even for me, I opened my mouth to face the King.

***

To donate for extra chapters for my series or to tip me visit my personal kofi page 

https://ko-fi.com/doradora 

Join my discord to get notifications for updates https://discord.gg/bxABmT2uK

(If the link is expired please message me for a new link)

Advanced chapters https://www.patreon.com/DoraTLs

Sponsored by Curufin. Thank you 💖 (1/10)

***

Alas, child.

A child who will soon be great, a child who will one day live in my place, singing praises to the gods.

One day, you will understand.

You will understand me.

I didn't do it because I hate you.

I didn't do it to argue with you.

In this moment, I had no choice but to recite those selfish excuses in a desperate attempt to remain a good person.

But I haven't lived long enough to pretend I don't care.

I'm a human being who hasn't grown up enough to look at you with a ripe maturity.

I dare not say I love you now, but I know best how heavy and lonely your life, now filled with dazzling praise, will be.

Because I know best.

If anything, I would be more worried about your future and feel more sorry for you.

I want you to live a fuller life than I did.

May you walk in abundance, and enjoy all that you have to offer in your shining life.

While I have only eleven years to savor the world as a "seeer," may yours be a hundred, and may you be praised forever after your death.

In praying this, I only dread the journey to death that you have begun.

Now it is more clearly outlined in my future,

even this sun-whitened spring day seems black.

What if I die?

Would it be warm or cold.

Will it be as wide as the sky or as vast as the earth.

I don't know, and I'm scared, and I'm afraid, and I don't know how to treat you.

****

#D-91

That brilliant morning, he was out hunting.

When the piano arrived, the first thing I wanted to do was play it for him.

For some reason, without knowing why, I felt like I had to do something else first.

So, with a young maid in tow, I headed to the temple.

The still-innocent girl followed behind me.

White glistened on the saccharine enamel.

I thought as I led her to the piano, which reflected the dazzling light.

Maybe this was my duty.

- Your Highness-------?

The young maid looked up at me in bewilderment.

I pressed the keys impatiently.

A bang, a sound that filled the empty auditorium.

My hands, moving naturally on the spot, became a chord.

It became a beautiful sound, filling the space with richness and grace.

Even now, I could still read myself in you・・・・・・ Please tell the world, please tell the world.

There were so many languages that kept asking.

I used to think, sometimes, about bringing it out into the world.

If it wasn't me who carried you, if it wasn't me who gave birth to you.

You would be so much more valued for your beauty.

Vain regrets.

Too late to think about now.

I looked back at the child, ignoring all the demands rising within me.

- Would you like to touch it?

- Me? Do I dare?

-Yes.

I nodded, and the young maid stretched out a trembling hand.

The moment her fingers touched the keys, I thought I saw a change in her eyes.

Music.

A single note that rang out.

That one note, so much more beautiful than the dozens of chords I'd been creating.

-ah.......

I heard a voice, a dreamy, dazed voice. The girl's gaze fell on me.

-Your Highness, something's strange…it’s like…

It must have been an inexplicable moment for you, too.

The child's fingers twitched as she awkwardly made her way to the seat.

Slowly, slowly, the child's face turned once more.

Her eyes, which held nothing but the instrument, held something irresistible.

There must have been an instinctive pull. It was a moment I knew all too well.

I couldn't ignore it either.

I was sure it was the same for her.

The child no longer asked me for permission.

All that would have been left was instinct.

Soon she would be as trancelike as I had been the first time.

I became one with the instrument that had chosen to sing for me.

A voice that echoed beautifully in the empty, desolate auditorium.

A time when I gave my universe to God, painting the end of the world as it was, as it was, as only I could see it.

A time when I fully realized the meaning of my existence.

The face of the statue, looking down at the world with benevolence, seemed to change every moment.

A vision of transparent light pouring into the dark auditorium.

-Ah.......

In the dim light that shouldn't exist, I stumbled, my knees buckling.

My knees hit the cold floor.

I turned and stared at the figure.

Then I glanced back at the young maid sitting at the piano, producing a beautiful melody.

I shivered.

The wistful, yet ecstatic presence of you.

There was no words to describe the wonder of that moment.

My lips trembled of their own accord.

Just God.

I realized that the priest who saw me as a child must have felt the same way I do now.

I may have lived for this moment,

For this, I may have seen the light of day.

It even occurred to me that this was my God-given mission.

No, it was clear.

That I was made for this life, for this moment only.

-......

The realization came like a tidal wave and swept me away, perfectly.

The irresistible pull toward the instrument seemed inevitable.

It led me to this life, and through it to you.

So I was meant for you, and you alone.

For you, God made me see the light of this world.

Suddenly, the dazzling, ecstatic melody stopped.

Thegirl shook her head in disbelief.

Her gaze, seemingly altered for an instant, fixed on me.

I don't know if it's right to say it had matured or deepened.

She was no longer young, and she was not a child.

She were just a seeer with a destiny.

I understood the priest who watched over me as a child.

It was not without regret.

It's not that the sadness didn't exist.

But whatever it was, the ecstatic tremor of this moment was genuine.

-Why am I.............

I heard a shaky voice.

The frightened child jumped to her feet.

Facing her, I recited as calmly as I could.

- You will see many things.

-Vision......?

-Much of what God has to say to you will be seen, heard, and felt, and that's what you'll be doing.

-.....

The moment you opened your eyes, the world was rushing in on you.

Even though I know best the bewilderment and disorientation of walking into a new life.

The first words out of her mouth were,

-Then, Your Highness, the words on the back of your neck.............

The kind and gentle child's face grew pale.

If she remembered the words, she could now clearly read what they meant.

-The changed letters...The weeks, the number is decreasing...

Ah, the person who would succeed me was a very warm person.

I looked at the child, who was speechless.

I put on my mask of nonchalance, indifference, and chose my words.

-You’re attentive.

-.....

Dumbfounded by my answer, the child was frozen in place.

Then the realization dawned on her, and she clutched her head in agony, trying to contain the me that would soon be gone forever.

- Aah............... Aah!

A pitiful scream echoed through the empty auditorium.

The child staggered to me and clung to me.

Tears streamed down her young face.

- oh, no. Ah, no, your highness. How dare I, how dare I, take your place...............

-which is reserved only for the Lady.

- Oh, no, no, no...... This is not right...........

I held the squirming child still in both arms.

Finally, I realized.

That the death of another because of me was not something I could easily bear.

And yet, all I could do now was turn to her and give her a weak smile.

-It's okay.

Let's be honest, it's not okay.

-You'll be fine.

But there was no path for me now.

-I must.

This was my cry that could not reach anyone.

'A new seeer was born.’

It was a rumor that would now spread from mouth to mouth, from priest to priest.

***

To donate for extra chapters for my series or to tip me visit my personal kofi page 

https://ko-fi.com/doradora 

Join my discord to get notifications for updates https://discord.gg/bxABmT2uK

(If the link is expired please message me for a new link)

Advanced chapters https://www.patreon.com/DoraTLs

D-117

.....

It had been a long day in the damp air.

I wondered what made the sky so sad that it burned a hole in my heart.

The rain that fell on the world would soon stop and dry up without a trace, but when would the rain that poured into my heart stop?

When would the water that soaked my heart dry up?

#D-115

.....

Perhaps it was the spring rain.

A lingering cold had found me.

He came to me late at night and stayed by my side for a long time.

He held my moonlit hand tightly and recited.

- I knew it would be like this.

His dark red eyes seemed to curse me.

-The Grand Duchess is foolish.

-If that's what you've come to say.

I had but a short time to live, and I must waste it by catching a cold.

I felt sorry for myself.

I mumbled, drunk with the fever that was plaguing me.

-Please leave.

Fighting, raising voices, sarcasm, mockery, repeating it ad infinitum.

The wounds got deeper and deeper, but the apologies to each other were non-existent.

Was this why we were married?

As much as I had been wrong, he had been wrong.

That he had hurt me as much as I had hurt him.

That in hindsight, as much as I hurt him, he hurt me.

-There's no reason for me to listen to the Grand Duchess.

-You have no reason to torment a sick person.

He leaned toward me, clicking his tongue small in response.

Our naked bodies pressed together.

I shivered slightly at the warmth that passed between us.

- Your Highness.

Hissing at my call, he stroked my hair.

I closed my eyes at the feel of his hard body against mine.

As sick and tired as I was, I didn't want to let go of the man in my arms.

It had been a long, long time.

It had been a long time since I had been sick, and it had been a long time since I had had someone there to protect me when I was ill.

But why did it have to be him?

It was a night when the sound of wet rain echoed in the air.

***

#D-109

......

Largo, I don't know if I've brought you out in a few days.

To top it off with a trivial excuse.

Despite my efforts, the cold of the passing seasons stuck with me for quite some time.

In fact, on the days when I was sickest, I somehow managed to get you out and write down the events of the day, but afterward, I couldn't beat the languor that washed over me.

When I wasn't feeling well, everything in the world seemed like a nuisance.

Even dying another day.

As the long spring rainy season finally came to an end, so did the fever that plagued me.

The sky after the rain was the clearest of all.

The seven-colored hue stretched from the edge of the sky to the edge of the earth.

The sky was a brilliant blue as the sun set.

The violet-colored falling sun dyed the world red.

He came to me from beyond the twilight world.

He handed me a particular red rose.

I took it in my arms, a single, tiny flower.

Feeling both awkward and perplexed by the situation, I lowered my head.

-You don’t like it.

-Of course not.

As I answered that question, I thought to myself: who doesn't like flowers?

Their vibrant scent filled my nose and my heart.

-Just in case the roses weren't blooming yet..................

But there they were, the first bloom of the year.

He smiled at the rose in full bloom.

- After the rain stopped, it was strangely warm. For a moment, I thought it was summer.

- Summer------.

I mulled over the word, which felt strangely refreshing.

Before I die, I didn't think I'd be able to see the roses.

I would never forget this rose, even after my last breath.

-How are you feeling?

-I’m fine, thanks for your concern.

-That's great.

Like the sun coming out after the rain, he was the first to reach out.

I accepted the clumsy apology that was offered first after our last quarrel.

****

#D-104

.....

With him, instead of my longed-for home, we visited the slums of the duchy.

Dressed in plain clothes, wearing worn out shoes.

An outfit that was all the more remarkable for not matching his natural elegance.

No one would recognize him as a man of the streets, I thought.

I realized that people's impressions of him were similar, as their eyes constantly flickered over him.

The slums of the Duchy were no different than the slums of the Kingdom, though people drew lines in the sand.

I wondered if people's lives were similar no matter where you went in the world.

The same scent as where I had lived, where I live.

If I felt the comfort of a spawning salmon in the scent of the ground, I must be a broken person somewhere.

#D-103

....

I would engrave in my soul the moment he held me warmly, the moment I held him back.

It was a night when I longed to think of my mother.

I wondered if the reason my mother was so fond of her memories with the king was the same as mine today.

It must be the most beautiful moment of her life.

***

#D-102

.....

Wishes, wants, and desires.

Alas.

Looking back, the last few years of my marriage may have been the happiest time of my life.

I hadn't experienced much. In fact, there was still so much more to see and hear.

To leave behind descendants who look like me, to experience the twilight of a life well-lived, and to take a step closer to the green path that a poet once sang so beautifully about.

Without having to think too long, my mind spontaneously conjures up a myriad of things I had yet to experience.

But among the few things I had experienced, I would never forget the moments I spent with him, the hours I spent in his arms, even in death.

I might have wanted to continue to be with him before I set out on this eternal journey of no return.

Not just the time I had left, but our eternity together, as long as this earth allowed.........

Looking at the same place, walking the same path, holding hands, falling asleep together under the beautiful night sky.

On the green path that lead to the beach, with our foreheads touching.

Somewhere, another me would give birth to a child who looked like me, who looked like him.

May he live happily ever after.

Maybe that's all I ever dreamed of.

My Largo, may you know it.

My heart.

***

#D-92

The piano we talked about almost twenty days ago had arrived.

It arrived unexpectedly early.

A different saccharine enamel reflected my reflection.

My dying fingertips still drew countless praises to the gods.

It was a strange thing.

That He could take my life, and I could still worship Him.

#D-91

....

A new "seeer” was born.

****

#D-89

My Largo,

I lingered in the room for a while, then absentmindedly looked out the window.

The spring rainy season, as short as life itself, was over, the rain was gone, and the sun was shining.

It was like someone's future, shining brightly.

It was the perfect time of the year for plants to bloom and flowers to color the world.

The hand that painstakingly traced the characters trembled constantly.

I wondered if it was the cold that hadn't yet set in, or if it was the cold that still clung to me.

Or something else.

The world was in full spring, all things were revitalized, and even out-of-season flowers had bloomed.

Only me. Only me.

Still, still I walked through the cold winter.

My life, this world.

I thought I had shaken it all off, but I thought I had cleared my mind, letting go of no regrets, nothing.

It was just a thought, a resolution.

Still, still, still, there were some things that would come back to me once in a while.

I felt like I was rolling down a constant slope.

Alas, my Largo, the sensation of touching you was unfamiliar today.

My headache and tingling hands and feet must be due to my anxiety. For I was not dying of disease.

-Your Highness............

A young handmaiden child.

Now I heard the crying of the child who would follow in my footsteps, who would live the same life as me.

You, lying on the floor with your head bowed, your shoulders heaving as you sobbed.

I didn't know what to say to you.

The right way to tell you.

I thought about it, but there was no answer.

Just that you were not responsible for this.

That nothing that would happen, nothing that would befall me, was your fault.

That I knew best.

Because I was human, and I had watched you squirm with guilt.

Because it was best to keep my mouth shut and not say anything.

Because if I opened my mouth and started to form words, I'd say something I couldn't handle.

And it would be you, not me, who would have to bear the brunt of the hurt.

***

To donate for extra chapters for my series or to tip me visit my personal kofi page 

https://ko-fi.com/doradora 

Join my discord to get notifications for updates https://discord.gg/bxABmT2uK

(If the link is expired please message me for a new link)

Advanced chapters https://www.patreon.com/DoraTLs

#D-118

In the early spring rainy season, the sky, dyed a deep blue, wept.

The smell of spring wafted through the rain.

The last scent I would ever smell in my life.

I would see this season for the last time, forever standing on the threshold of a bright blue summer.

I would be immersed in early summer, unable to embrace the bounty of autumn.

I would return to winter without a single fruit, unable to rejoice in the harvest of the fruits of my labor.

Tea time after lunch.

Intoxicated by the languid afterglow of fragrant black tea, I watched in silence as the clear rainwater beat against the window.

The sound of the rain remained the same, but I was now enjoying a luxury I hadn't been able to enjoy during my nostalgic days.

I couldn't help but laugh.

Strangely enough, a nostalgia for my most humble days blossomed within me.

The days when we traveled from slum to slum, holding onto our stomachs because we didn't have anything to eat, but there was no anguish in our hearts.

It was ridiculous.

One of the hardest things for a human being to endure was hunger.

And yet, somehow I find myself longing for those days.

Because when I look back, it's all memories and happiness.

I left behind all that was beautiful in those days and walked into an uncertain future.

And now that uncertain future has been solidified into a grim reality.

On the last day of my life, when there was no turning back.

I may not even miss this time then.

At least I could still have time to bask in the afterglow of a hot cup of black tea.

I stood up from my chair, drunk on the emotions of the past.

My nostalgic steps led me to the garden.

As I stepped into a puddle of water, I heard the same sound echoing from everywhere.

In the slightly cooler temperature, the droplets hit me cold on the crown of my head.

The chanting of the maids was only a distant echo.

As I soaked in the rain in the front yard of the mansion, I retraced the steps of my past life.

I didn’t know how long it's been since I had seen rain.

At least not since the age of fifteen, when I set foot in the royal palace, and I had never been out in the rain without an umbrella.

Growing up in a dirty, shabby slum, I was used to getting pelted with rain.

With my senses alert, I focused on all the sensations that surrounded me and took in the world.

All life in the world was cycling.

The sky was crying. The rain was pouring rain.

The sound of rain-soaked grass bowing its head, the tiny noises of leaves brushing against each other.

Whoosh, the wind that blew. The friction of the rough surface of the water.

The crunch of the grass underfoot. The flow of damp air filling your lungs.

All the sounds of the world that I normally wouldn't have paid attention to, felt like God was speaking to me.

If I had a piano, I could sit in front of it and translate everything I was hearing into his language.

I was just drowning in all the noise that echoed through the blackened world.

I turned my hand over. In the droplets of water that pattered against my palm, the spirit of spring formed and shattered.

The shattering droplets were like mirrors, reflecting everything in the world.

Alas, Largo.

This is the color of spring rain.

What about the summer showers? The fall frosts? The winter snowflakes?

In the midst of this constant stream of questions to myself, like rain, I suddenly realized something.

I realized that nothing had changed, nothing.

I had become an adult, ignorant of the world, just like that, walking in my mother's happy dreams.

My heart was still living those days, but my body had grown, and now I was waiting for the day when I could return to my mother's side.

I wonder how long I walked in the rain.

A man's shadow lingered in the spring droplets on my eyelashes.

-The Grand Duchess is increasingly committing eccentric acts.

There he was, tilting his umbrella toward me in the darkness.

At the sound of his scolding voice, I was transported back to another time.

Even when I first entered the palace, the memory of being scolded like that lingered in the back of my mind.

The way he'd stared at me.

Someone had looked at me with those same eyes. The one who had spoken bitterly to me was the Empress, who had always regarded me as an eyesore. Even the memory of that, as if the fever would burst out of me, made me nostalgic・・・・・

- It’s not surprising.

-What, then, shall we call this behavior of the Grand Duchess?

-I dare say.........Your Highness seems to have forgotten where I come from.

-Your origin?

His voice was low, as if he were holding something back.

-Where I lived was in the slums of the kingdom's capital, where umbrellas were an unauthorized luxury and getting caught in the rain was a daily occurrence.

And yet, right now, a single drop of rain that landed on the top of my head felt like a crushing weight on my entire body.

It would have been the heaviness of my fingertips finally lifting the veil of night that had fallen over my life.

-You might have been.

For a moment, I thought I saw contempt in the way he looked at me.

-Not now.

Warm behavior, not so much a look.

- In the future.

His hands on my shoulders, his gaze heavy.

- Keep your dignity.

-...Did you say dignity now?

I tilted my head up and studied his figure, drowned out by the rain.

There was an innate dignity about him, shrouded in dark clouds.

There was something about his lofty, beautiful form that I could never hope to match.

Finally realizing something, I added a bitter smile.

I felt a sense of entitlement, but what could I do?

This was the stark difference between him, a natural-born royalty, and me, a bastard at best.

Between he and I, there was a line I could not cross.

Just as my father had driven my mother and me from our home.

A bitter smile spread across my face.

- I............ perhaps I cannot abandon my essence.

- What?

It's something His Majesty has always... told me, and only now, today, do I think I understand what he meant.

He said I was evidence of a past he wanted to erase.

Funny, now I understand why the King wanted to erase the past so badly.

I might not be able to accept it emotionally, but I could see it clearly in my head.

The next words that escaped my throat were no less resolute.

- His Majesty was not wrong.

-Ha!

He dropped his umbrella and grabbed my shoulders.

Tracking, pitifully, the rain finally soaked him.

He spat out words like chewed gum.

-Don't drive people crazy.

The truth was, I knew.

That my current demeanor was driving anyone near me crazy.

- What the hell is wrong with you? I can't even begin to figure out what's wrong with you or why.

A tear rolled down my cheek.

Was it rain or tears?

Unable to discern the identity of the transparent shadow, I simply looked up at him and pursed my lips.

There was a sound I'd been trying to make over and over again, but it wouldn't come out.

--Has something happened to the kingdom?

-I don't think so.

Did he know?

That it takes a tremendous amount of courage to say I'm going to die soon.

My mind flipped several times a day.

- If there were to be a change of heart, the King would be the first to know, not me.

I did not have the disease that would kill me.

Nor was I a prisoner, condemned to death for a heinous crime, waiting for the day.

And yet, in waiting for the last day, I was no different from them.

- Otherwise, it would be impossible for Your Highness not to know what I know.

Simply because the one who made me who I was, the one I trusted and served, whether willingly or unwillingly, had declared that he would take the life he gave.

So the conclusion was, after all, the same.

To say with my own mouth that my life was short, was to put an end to it with my own hands.

I was acknowledging and accepting my death without making any effort.

I was a terrible coward to put the finishing touches on it, to say it was nothing.

No matter how much I said I accepted it and sort it out, something that I could not bear to admit was breathing fiercely in my chest.

Even if the day came when I died drowning in my own tears.

- I don't like it.

-What do you mean?

- The attitude of the Grand Duchess. Your thoughts. All of it.

There was no reason for me to act for him to like me now.

I could only look at him, trapped in the same time as me, soaking wet in the spring rain of eternity.

The only day I could walk through that time was now.

In a time from which I could never return.

***

To donate for extra chapters for my series or to tip me visit my personal kofi page 

https://ko-fi.com/doradora 

Join my discord to get notifications for updates https://discord.gg/bxABmT2uK

(If the link is expired please message me for a new link)

Advanced chapters https://www.patreon.com/DoraTLs